Wednesday, July 2, 2014

The 25-Week Challenge

My due date with Blue was a Saturday, and it is a Saturday again this time. Today is the Wednesday of my 25th week, which means it is the exact day of the pregnancy and same day of the week that I delivered Blue. I am only intellectually aware of this...I'm not especially sad today. I had to drive a bit for work today, which is when I often think and cry on any regular day, but today nothing happened. I even thought that maybe I could forget his birthday, and said the date out loud. August 10th. It is still strange to me, after almost three years now, that I really never know when grief will "visit." This is the word used by others, and seems to be a theme on the blogs this past week, like we are all hitting a grief milestone in our pregnancies at the same time, no matter how different our original stories are. So yeah, I'll be having a perfectly good day and suddenly sob, sob sob. Or days like today come and go without a tear, and I only remind myself that I ought to be quite sad.

I guess I am distracted. The house...It's a mess. And not just because half our stuff is not put away. We have mice. And ants. And I almost positive mold, but have not done anything about that yet. This is why I never wanted to buy a house before I was 37. We have to do some remediation in the finished basement, where we know there is moisture damage to the old paneling in the utility rooms, and I know there is mold because when the AC kicks on the house smells musty on the first floor. Darn pregnancy nose. I hope this is extra-strong, extra mold-like-smell-detecting nose, because I hope it will not always be the case that I can barely breathe in my dining room. The lawn is a jungle of grass and weeds. Mr. E bought a push mower, but hasn't put it together yet. He borrowed the neighbor's gasoline mower last weekend and it took him an hour and a half to mow the lawn. We're not sure how he's going to come up with like eight hours a week to mow the lawn twice right now since the grass is growing like crazy. Also, I think I need to weed the curb line? No one else's curb has weeds. Seriously. We should have thought twice about buying a house in this perfect little neighborhood where only a few of the wives work and people pay others to do the major upkeep tasks. Oh, except the prior homeowners to our place. The guy was a lot less capable than he thought. We had a painter redo the entire interior (I actually love this part--our colors look fantastic), we have a plumber to reinstall the kitchen faucet that is crooked and leaks out the bottom, we need an electrician to fix the shoddy electrical work (should I be worried about the risk of fire?), oh and we also had the plumber install a saw pipe on the water heater because there was no pressure release outlet. If you don't have this your water heater could explode and damage your house in a major way, which is exactly what happened to a co-worker recently. So we paid $125 for a guy to spend 30 seconds attaching a pipe to the place where the pipe goes. But we couldn't quite figure it out ourselves, so oh well. Anyway, there are so many great things about this house and the yard and the neighborhood. Last night Sprout went over the fence to play with the next-door neighbors' visiting grandkids who are 6 and 8. It was really cute. These are the same neighbors who lent us the lawnmower and who brought us homemade chocolate cookies and a book for Sprout the day we moved in. This place is really great, I am just overwhelmed with the magnitude of the problems we have discovered in just the first week of living here.

I need to be more positive generally but I am just so exhausted all the time. I don't know how to be pregnant, work, take care of a 20-month-old, be a wife, eat regular meals, unpack shit in the house, literally clean up shit (mouse turds in my silverware drawer--awesome!) in the house, call the exterminator, call the plumber, call the electrician, call the basement demo/mold guys, PAY FOR ALL OF THIS, and still have a modicum of energy or sanity remaining. Work has been a bit crazy lately, which is a good thing and keeps me more positive there because I don't have time to think about the crappy parts, but it's been more demanding recently and that is just not good timing. Also, Mr. E turns 30 and we can't just do nothing for such an important birthday so we are somehow hosting a BBQ on Saturday with about 20 adults plus kids. Mostly family and a very few, very close friends who are lending us a grill, bringing a dish or drink to share, and will all forgive us if they have nowhere to sit but the ground. I want to bake cake for my husband's special birthday, but he said "don't do that to yourself...don't do that to me." Ouch. I love to bake and I am good at it, but he is right that life is just too crazy right now to add more extraneous activity. And the only thing I can think of is that I only have one kid, and whatever will this be like when there is a second, or what I am hoping for eventually, a third, or even a fourth.

OK, so week 25 has been challenging in many ways. I didn't even take the 25-week-challenge picture until today, which is three days late. Did my belly grow in the past three days? Probably. The photo evidence:

 Oops, wrong side.

 2012 with Sprout:

2011 with Blue:

(This photo really isn't fair, it looks like it was taken from slightly behind me. How could I be 25 weeks pregnant in this picture?)

Let's compare 3/4 and front views, now and with Blue:

Geez, Louise! I am sad again about not being first-time-tiny pregnant lady. Of course I wanted to look pregnant so much sooner with Blue. I am also getting kicked in the ribs already, which was definitely not happening the first time around, so it's true there are things you just can't help. It's also still true that I haven't gotten a wide-ass this pregnancy, like I did with Sprout. I can actually wear the green pants again at this point. I even weigh a few pounds less than I did with Blue. (Mr. E pointed out that difference is probably due to less muscle mass--what a dick!--although looking at the pictures I think I have to agree with him). My point is that I am probably the most pregnant-looking yet most petite this time--the cutest of my pregnant mes at this point. Let's just leave it at that!

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