So could they please stop being idiotic, thoughtless, and awkward at times about my baby loss?
Really this is for my dad. I happened to be in the room in an inopportune moment--as he was telling someone on the phone that he had 5 1/2 grandchildren. I walked out saying "6!" When he soon found me to apologize, in a sort of I'm-not-sure-I-get-it-why-are-you-so-sensitive-but-I-guess-I-can-use-other-words-next-time kind of apology, I asked him who was the half? Blue? Or the baby my sister-in-law is carrying? And he meant hers. So then I asked if Blue counted as 3/4, since he lived for 11 more weeks past her current gestation. And he said "this is awkward." Like I was telling him that he wasn't permitted to talk about SIL's pregnancy. So I got to finally scream at someone, "I'm sorry that MY baby died and THIS is awkward FOR YOU!"
My mom understood. She's made her own...misstatements, shall we say...but nothing like this. She said, "People just don't know what to say." But you know what? My dad is not people. He has been witnessing my grief everyday. And he should know better! I know! It wasn't said out of malice. But I can't just forgive your insensitive, thoughtless, inappropriate comments just because you didn't mean it.
And I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of my family acting like this is awkward for them. My mom said my SIL asked how I was last weekend. That's nice, but how about calling and asking ME how I AM? My sister? Lost cause. I don't have it in my heart to put her at ease.
So, AFF to the rescue again, and I soaked his shirt with leftover tears.